A Tiring Vigil [Sea&Smoke]

[Seafeather]

Seastar

Seastar sits herself down in the middle of the FrostClan camp clearing. Shaking her head, trying to stay awake, listening to the now even thrumming of her heart. What happened to me? She pondered. She watched herself grow up in her mind, lingering on the details like her first day as an apprentice, a warrior, her first day as deputy. Even her first naming ceremony, the words had tasted like honey, but felt like clay in her mouth. The memories rushed past her in a fervency, what had been her crime to deserve this punishment? Does StarClan just not want her as the leader anymore? She remembered the feeling when she was picked as deputy. Happy, excited even, but...regretful? No. Sad. She was sad that day.

She had to give up the chance of kits. And she didn't like it. She even wanted, and had her eye on a mate. But that was passed. She had resented StarClan for it. Was this her punishment? For not doing what they wanted willingly? Maybe. Seastar shook her head again to focus on the surroundings. Pricked her ears. Sniffed the air. Rid the sleepies from her eyes. She noticed the sound of ruffling pine needles behind her. Suppressing a growl she said, "You need to get sleep. Go back to bed."

[fαllεη •]

"You need to sleep. Go back to bed."

"I should be telling you the same thing."
The half-hearted snark in that sentence alone should have made it obvious who was speaking, even if the disregard for silence didn't. Smokeleaf padded up to stand beside her leader, entirely ignoring the growl in Seastar's voice. Truth be told, she'd planned to spend the night sleeping so that she could spend the morning hunting for something in her memory that might help her help the she-cat. But, as she'd curled up in her nest and prepared to settle down, she heard the gentle footsteps pad past her den. And what kind of medicine cat would she be, letting her leader go through such an ordeal and not ask after her? 'What kind of... friend?' She flinched away from the word, but it wasn't like Smokeleaf had never tried to lie to herself before. She was a little too tired and too concerned to try the same tricks now.
"Mind if I sit here?" she asked as she sat and curled her tail around her paws, flicking it gently. The snow began to melt and soak into the fur around her paws. Beside her, she could just pick up the even beating of Seastar's heart-- and after all, why shouldn't it recover now? At least StarClan were still allowing Seastar to recover from these-- what were they even called? Oh, who could be bothered remembering the names of all these things.

Death. It was a brutal word by nature. Talking to the dying had never come easily to Smokeleaf, and she now knew that it had never come easily to her mentor either-- though while he had been alive, for course he had been her shining example, and one couldn't find flaws in something that was one-of-a-kind. It was easier to just think of her as a leader-- but not Smokeleaf's leader. FrostClan's leader, certainly. But leader of a medicine cat? That was one thing that Seastar would never, could never, be. But... Something tried to click in her head. Something that Seastar had said... Ack, it would come to her later. For now... Well, it was a question older than the hills.
"How are you feeling?" the medicine cat asked, and surprised herself with the strange undertone of tenderness that had sprung up in the words. Clearly she needed to pay more attention to herself-- she was this curt and sour for a reason, after all: getting to the point quickly, getting the sick better quickly. It was all about speed, and with Seastar's condition... Well, she needed to make as much time as she could.

[Seafeather]

Seastar

"I should be telling you the same thing." Said a voice so recognizable to Seastar, she could hear it from miles away. "Mind if I sit here?" Smokeleaf sat down by Seastar, she didn't even bother to reply, knowing that no matter what Seastar had said, she would've sat there anyway. Seastar relaxed herself and let a small smile play on her lips. Who could she even dare to think about reputing Smokeleaf?

"How are you feeling?" She asked. The feeling of tenderness and care had seeped through those few words. Seastar knew that Smokeleaf had let her wall, that protected her from the feelings of death and the dying that had once been a crutch, fall down for that split second. The hardness that followed made Seastar sure that she was quickly rebuilding that wall, and she wouldn't tear it down again.

"Better. Sleepy and tired, but that's what comes with a vigil." Seastar moved into a sitting upright position, to make her stay awake. "There was something I was supposed to tell you...it's from Nightleaf and Jadestar..." Seastar searched her wracked brains for the things she was supposed to relay back to Smokeleaf. It was important too...If only she had the memory of a lion. Lion...Lion grass!! With the memory fresh in her mind she told Smokeleaf of the herb.

"It's called Lion Grass. Supposedly, it helps your heart, thins out the blood and takes anything bad from it. Nightleaf had used it before on somebody." Seastar passed a leaf of the herb over to Smokeleaf for her to examine it. While she pushed the leaf around, looking at it from different angles, she told Smokeleaf how it was supposedly used.

"It could double my life span, Smokeleaf...I can see my kits become warriors." Her eyes became misty, but were quickly stifled. She knew that emotions never were Smokeleaf's favorite thing.

[fαllεη •]

Seastar must have noticed her change in tone, but Smokeleaf could spot no signs that she had. Good. They could both pretend that it had never happened, that everything was normal between surly medicine cat and noble leader.
"Better. Sleepy and tired, but that's what comes with a vigil."
The medicine cat nodded. She'd done her vigils as a FrostClan warrior with pride, and she remembered only too well the neighboring apprentice-warrior poking her in the ribs when she started to doze. One of the perks that came with being a medicine cat. One was constantly on their toes even in peace, but at least a good night's rest was always assured.
Smokeleaf kept her eyes on the tunnel as Seastar rose from her regal repose to sit upright--always a smart idea when danger might be on the prowl. There was something in Seastar's expression that wanted attention-- something she guessed was learned when one became a deputy. So many forks in the lives of one cat, each one well-worn with the passing of time and of paws. 'Some more so than others.' Her unusual life --and Smokeleaf didn't like to think of it as that, but that was really what it was-- was one of those lesser-trodden paths. Seastar's was well-paved, beautifully crafted. A sense of history, of pride in those who had gone before. And suddenly her path had slipped from under her, sending her a route that, to the best of Smokeleaf's knowledge, had not been walked ever before.

"There was something I was supposed to tell you... It's from Nightleaf and Jadestar..."
Nightleaf. Smokeleaf felt her face go cold. Jadestar's name should have made her prick her ears, but all she could think about was how she'd behaved at the Gathering. Making a fool of herself like that. Of her clan like that. She'd felt the eyes of nearly everyone in the clearing on her back now that she thought back to that moment. Jadestar probably wanted some herbs from FrostClan to make up for the incident... But that didn't sound like Jadestar; she'd always been ('fair' was the wrong word to use in the circumstances)... willing to see the other side, except where CloudClan's safety was concerned.
"It's called Lion Grass. Supposedly, it helps your heart, thins out the blood and takes anything bad from it. Nightleaf had used it before on somebody."
Smokeleaf fought to keep her ears from flattening as she glanced away, cursing inwardly. Lion grass? She'd never heard of it, but then again, who knew what grew on CloudClan's plains. This idea sounded about as pleasant as sticking her head into a mother badger's den.

But then Seastar slid a leaf over to her, and she couldn't stop her eyes widening. It had to be... Then they narrowed again while Seastar started to explain the herb's use. Part of her was filing away the information for later, but the other half was highly suspicious. So, CloudClan just happened to carry a leaf of lion grass to the Gathering? Oh, there could be many reasons for that --Jadestar might need it, or someone in CloudClan-- but why bring it to the Gathering? Why not make them eat it beforehand? No, someone in CloudClan must have known about Seastar's illness. Which meant that someone in FrostClan must have told them... But no-one knew except Seastar, Cedarwing and Smokeleaf herself. Oh, and Bluesparrow. Unless Seastar hadn't told him before tonight. But she couldn't fathom why he would tell CloudClan anything.

Of course...

StarClan. As usual, they had to be behind this. They must have told Nightleaf about Seastar's condition... And this herb could be anything. She sniffed it cautiously. It didn't smell acidic or strangely bitter, but who knew what grew in CloudClan? If they could grow this fabled 'lion grass', then they probably had poisons that Smokeleaf had never seen before. With FrostClan in turmoil once Seastar... With FrostClan in turmoil, CloudClan could very likely take more of the western territory for themselves. And yet she couldn't see Jadestar ever planning something so calculating. Silentstar, of course-- it would be second nature to him. But Jadestar?
Still, Nightleaf could have acted on her own or under the advice of another cat-- maybe Jadestar's deputy had had a claw in the matter.

"It could double my life span, Smokeleaf... I can see my kits become warriors."
Smokeleaf glanced back at her leader, then at the grass with the feathery head that did in fact resemble a lion's tail. Seastar held such hope for this herb... Smokeleaf was less optimistic.
"How do you know it is what she says?"
As soon as the words slipped out of her mouth she noticed how cynical they were. In other words, normal, given the circumstances.
"Did you ask who she'd used it on?" she asked, a trace of urgency slipping into the words. She noticed -'Too late.'- the tears beginning to well in Seastar's eyes as she talked about seeing her kits' warrior ceremony, but she kept her resolve firm. She wasn't going to be responsible for the death of her leader, and she especially wasn't going to be duped into killing her.

[Seafeather]

Seastar

"How do you know it is what she says? Did you ask who she'd use it on?" Seastar, annoyed with the cynical things that Smokeleaf was suggesting. She gave an exasperated sigh.

"Because she's a medicine cat. Don't they follow a different code from the clans?" She contorted. She wrapped her thin, calico tail around her paws. "She only said that she used it on an elder with a health problem. I mean honestly Smokeleaf! Shouldn't you feel at all relieved or happy?" Seastar shot Smokeleaf a look that said it all. She was disappointed in her medicine cat. You were supposed to be happy and thankful when someone gave you a gift right? That's what Seastar was taught.

Seastar, with a sound like giving up, she plopped back onto the ground with a groan. "I'm so tired of waiting for my final death threat, Smokeleaf. So...tired." She blinked those sea blue eyes that looked like a deep violet.

[fαllεη •]

Smokeleaf positively bristled as Seastar sighed at her-- instinctively responding to the kind of derisive response that one might give to their thick-headed apprentice.
"Because she's a medicine cat. Don't they follow a different code from the clans?"
Smokeleaf was highly tempted to snort. Seastar believed that medicine cats were immune to threats, to persuasion? Just because one had StarClan on their side didn't make them pillars of moral stability. Seastar must know that no-one is immune to the right kind of persuasive argument. Try long and hard enough, and anything about a cat can be distorted. IvyClan, as always, was the first example of corruption that came to mind.
But, of course, Seastar had mentioned Jadestar's name. One name that Smokeleaf would never, could never, even imagine as the sort for this kind of-- well, it was assassination. If the liongrass was from Jadestar... There was only one way to know. Well, two ways, but one that might result in another cat's death was out of the question. No, she wanted to ask Jadestar herself. She'd been the CloudClan leader for... well, she'd definitely been a leader for a long period during Smokeleaf's current position as medicine cat.

And yet, if the herb was the right one... Sestar could live. Kits. That Bluesparrow fellow.

Urgh. And of course she didn't want Seastar to die-- for the love of life, she'd save Raccoonstar himself if she needed to. She inhaled deeply, taking in the cold, earth-scented air. But once a suspicion was aired, to let it go without at least a cursory looking-into, would be ridiculous. 'Unless you're desperate, apparently.'

"I'm so tired of waiting for my final death threat, Smokeleaf." The subject of her words flinched. "So... tired."

Smokeleaf flicked her tailtip, watching with apparently emotionless yellow eyes as Seastar seemed to fold in on herself. Of course she was tired. It had been a long day, a hard day, and on top of that she'd volunteered for a vigil. 'If I were a good medicine cat, I'd force her into her nest.'
Nevertheless, it stung that Seastar wasn't taking her seriously. But wouldn't it be something, really something, if the herb she'd been searching for all along wasn't just a figment of her imagination? If it existed. That didn't mean she'd let up, of course --she forced that knowledge into her brain like a hot poker-- but Seastar would at least be guaranteed those months she needed-- the months she deserved. Any one second that could be given to her, she had every right to take. Smokeleaf couldn't stand in the way of that. 'But if you're right?' If she was right, nothing had changed. Hope would be crushed below zero, of course, but her plans for the next moons would be pretty much the same. Seastar's would not.

She had to fight the urge to curse, in that colourful way that she'd learned from a FrostClan warrior. Seastar could live, but there were big 'if's. If it worked. If the herb wasn't a lie, or actually a poison. If Seastar didn't die during the birth. If, if, if! If she pushed for Seastar to avoid taking the liongrass, she might shorten the she-cat's life. If she jumped blindly ahead, Seastar might be killed before she could do the very things that such a miracle herb could might allow her. StarClan could heal fatal wounds, but removing poison from a cat's stomach seemed to be too much to ask of them.
'Of course, Seastar'll probably take the herb anyway, no matter what you say.'
She couldn't let the good possibilities creep up on her. To be wrong would be awful, but why should she care about how awful she felt if Seastar could live? And to be right meant awful things. It meant CloudClan's betrayal, meant losing her... Her friend.

Well, the least she could do was make sure that Seastar killed herself according to the instructions Nightleaf had given her.

Then a small phrase of those instructions came back to her. 'Drink the poultice'. And that, in her anxiety, simply seemed too funny for words. 'Nightleaf, Nightleaf, your mentor is crying!' she thought, an empty smile spreading across her face. Useless young medicine cat. Her expression was wiped clean before Seastar could notice and misinterpret it.
"Sleep, then." Her tone was neutral; she glanced Seastar's way to check how her words were received. Had she expected more argument? Smokeleaf would have-- mind you, no living cat had known her longer than herself.
"I can take a vigil as well as the next bag of bones. And besides--" (here she shook herself, trying to downplay the terrified thumping of her heart) "-- I suppose this 'poultice' can wait until morning."

Seastar was old enough to make her own decisions.

[Seafeather]

Seastar

"Sleep then," Smokeleaf had said. Oh how Seastar had wished to sleep! But she had told her Clan to sleep and that she would take the night's vigil. What kind of leader would she look like if she couldn't even stay awake to take the night's guard? She picked up her head in a determined way. "I can take a vigil as well as the next bag of bones. And besides, I suppose this 'poultice' can wait until morning." Smokeleaf finished. Seastar agreed with this. It's not like she was going to loose another life in one day. Besides, she would give Smokeleaf her time to "investigate" the mystery herb. It was unlike Jadestar to poison anybody. But Seastar didn't think she would, that was more of a Silentstar way.

She pricked her ears and blinked the sleepies from her eyes. She was going to stay put!