Post by Seafeather on Oct 6, 2010 15:10:56 GMT -6
*sigh sigh sigh* Watch your grammar! lol I found at the least 10 mistakes. You have commas on a keyboard and you need to use them, they provide a break in the sentence. Be sure to capitalize the first letter in every sentence and "pity" is not "potty" and "pity" is also not "Pitts". You should re-read your last sentence, I find it very hard to understand...
And I don't know enough about her. What's her personality? How does she act around other cats? Males or females? Does or did she ever like battling or hunting? Who's her best friend? Her history needs to be more full of interesting things, and so does your writing example. Take a look at some of mine. They are in all of the clans: Oakpelt, Seastar, Spottedwing, Badgerface, and Skyleaf. Also take a look at some of Fallen's (another admin) character bio's. Her are WAY more elaborate than mine. Her main one that you can look at would be Smokeleaf in FrostClan. You can see all of these bio's in a clan under a category called "Clan Cats".
And I don't know enough about her. What's her personality? How does she act around other cats? Males or females? Does or did she ever like battling or hunting? Who's her best friend? Her history needs to be more full of interesting things, and so does your writing example. Take a look at some of mine. They are in all of the clans: Oakpelt, Seastar, Spottedwing, Badgerface, and Skyleaf. Also take a look at some of Fallen's (another admin) character bio's. Her are WAY more elaborate than mine. Her main one that you can look at would be Smokeleaf in FrostClan. You can see all of these bio's in a clan under a category called "Clan Cats".
