}} belligerence.&.bile [SW and RS only]

[Seafeather]

Do you feel cold, and lost in desperation?
You build up hope, but failure’s all you’ve known.
Remember all the sadness and frustration,
And let it go…Let it Go.

Spottedwing

Spottedwing led the way as he answered, "Um...Sure thing. Lead the way!" At least that was one thing off of her chest. Now there were a million other things to take it's place. Maybe he didn't see the remorse in her eyes? Why did he blame her for the things that her friend did? Spottedwing gave a sigh. Never had life been so difficult. Maybe her destiny was to be alone forever without a mate. If that means she would become leader or deputy, she'd take it. As long as this drama would end. Poor Seastar, how did she handle living with her death right around the corner? Spottedwing pushed that thought to the side. Now wasn't the time to be thinking of that.

When they came to a spot that was suitable enough. Dead pine needles littered the ground and made it a bit more spongy when you stepped. The sun shone through the dead trees and the evergreens. New-leaf was coming quickly. Spottedwing thought she couldn't wait any longer for it to arrive here. She was tired of going to bed hungry some nights. She didn't know how the other clans could take it. FrostClan had had more than your average haul of prey this leaf-bare. But not enough for every night.

Spottedwing shook her head. Why are you stalling? You're here now! Apologize! She squared her shoulders, preparing for what was surely to come.

"Rivershadow...about last night. I'm sorry." She was sorry. Her ears flattened with unhappiness. She felt so much guilt. But it wasn't hers to feel...was it? "I didn't know that Iceglade was there and I don't know why she attacked you. But I yelled at her after wards and I lost a friend. I think I lost two friends last night." She looked up apologetically into Rivershadow's black-blue eyes. "I really am sorry." She murmured at the end. Her voice getting quieter as she went on. Eventually she let her head droop. He wasn't ever going to talk to her again was he? She'd already made things to awkward, and now this apology sealed it. She couldn't stand it any longer. Might as well voice what she already knew.

"Don't pretend to be my friend if you don't like me please. Don't even attempt unless you actually mean it. I mean...I already know that you don't like me. So I don't even know why I bother." She plopped onto the earth, making little divots in the ground where her claws kneaded.

[fαllεη •]

you were standing in the wake of devastation
and you were waiting on the edge of the unknown
and with the cataclysm raining down
insides crying save me now
you were there, impossibly alone

The forest was beautiful at this time of day. Never quite as pretty as it was at night, though, when the light was cold and clear. Wait a second. Why was he thinking about that? She was taking him into the forest again. This didn't end well last time and it wasn't going to end well now.
Goldenheart had liked the forest, too. 'But she'd never confessed her undying love there!' He wasn't thinking about Goldenheart though, was he? Just like he wasn't thinking about Bronzepaw, whose laugh had been like the babbling brook. Huh, maybe Spottedwing was right. Two strikes, you're out.

Now, Rivershadow had never been a great judge of expression. He preferred not to guess what others were thinking, because if they were talking to him, it was going to be bad. But even he couldn't help but notice the pain in Spottedwing's eyes, and flinch. He held her gaze until she looked away.

"Rivershadow... about last night. I'm sorry."
He should've felt a weight coming off his shoulders. He should've been dancing for joy, crowing his relief at the top of his lungs. "You see? It's not my fault! She apologised, you see?!"
And it didn't feel like that.
"I didn't know that Iceglade was there and I don't know why she attacked you. But I yelled at her afterwards and I lost a friend. I think I lost two friends last night."
Her eyes were crystal, glittering with sadness. As if she wanted something from him, wanted him to say 'no, we're friends still!'. But those words shriveled on his tongue. After all, they never had been friends, had they? It made him wonder just how long she'd been nursing this... crush. Since apprenticeship? Was it recent? The idea of cutting down something that had been nursed so long... Better for both of them if he'd nipped it in the bud. Better.

"I really am sorry."
He felt he had to say something. 'It's OK'? 'Me too'? 'I know you are?' Those last two were just dead before they even came to his lips. Apathy came naturally to him; he'd apologised, she'd apologised, now they could just leave this how it was. But some kittish pat of him knew this was wrong, pleaded with him to say something, to fall in love with her on the spot and live happily ever after.
'But that's not how love works.'
Heck, that wasn't even how a crush worked.

"Don't pretend to be my friend if you don't like me please. Don't even attempt unless you actually mean it. I mean...I already know that you don't like me. So I don't even know why I bother."
That was the only thing he'd really wanted from her. Rivershadow knew he gave honesty a pretty darn good shot, even if it wasn't what people wanted to hear-- it became something he took pride in, being the bearer of bad news, the cat that spoke what everyone else was thinking. He hadn't been too fond of the idea of Duskwing joining the clan, and had been one of the few to voice his disapproval. Spottedwing was probably less than pleased with him for that. 'And yet, for some reason...' He just wanted to get his head around why she'd choose the loser over someone like Ravenslash. Seriously. A big, noble tom like that, the sort who'd follow Seastar straight into IvyClan territory and beyond? That was the kind of loyalty she wanted. Not some snarking, two-faced warrior who'd been had twice before.

And yet she wanted him to say something. The last time he'd tried to be funny had been the beginning of the end, the start of this whole death trip and he couldn't stop thinking about it. This was ridiculous. He was ridiculous. If it came to that, she was ridiculous too for liking such a ridiculous tom, whose heart was three times broken; once for a brother, twice for a lover. 'Three times for the unholy heartbreaker.' So maybe he could try honesty? Oh no, that was far worse. She had crumbled right in front of him, humbled herself again, and now he was going to crush her a third time? So not going to happen.

But what did that leave?
Black humour and honesty were the only cards he could possibly play-- there was nothing other than biting sarcasm, and that was dead before it could hit the ground. The silence was beginning to get awkward, his face immovable stone. He nodded; what he hoped was a grateful gesture, in spite of his expression remaining unchanged.
"It's not a bother, Spottedwing."
His tone was amazingly gentle-- far gentler than he'd ever expected it to be, and so soft that it wrote surprise all over his face. But ti was true, wasn't it? 'Just... please, don't let her get any ideas...'